Not Right With God

I found myself in the wilderness struggling to find my way home.  It had been so long that I didn’t even realize that I was there.  In my wilderness bitterness, anger, shame and regret surrounded me.  The longer I stayed there, the deeper into the wilderness I sank.  No prayers could help me to get out of this place.  So I stayed where I was, wandering aimlessly with no hope.  If you’ve ever been in this place you know what I’m talking about.  It could be the most sunny day, but you’ve grown so accustomed to the darkness that you can’t see the light.  You play the blame game because you don’t want to face the truth.  Staying in bed and withdrawing from others has become your refuge but not your strength.  You could go to a doctor or a counselor for help but still nothing would change.  And so, you remain in this place all alone.

That was me. Oh, I was going to church, Sunday School and singing in the choir but I was just going through the motions.  And because of that, these things too began to slip away from me.  The fact is, I was not right with God.  I had put my faith in my job rather than relying on God to take care of me.  My ambitions became my focus as I took my eyes off of God and “I” became my number one priority.  I lost my joy in the process and fell deeper into this wilderness, this dark hole.

But one day someone was praying for me. I’m sure of that and God heard their prayers. I went to church and felt God’s presence. I listened as he told me to lay it all down and felt his spirit as he wrapped his arms around me.  I worshiped him with all my heart that night. I didn’t think he would ever use me again but he has in a powerful way.  He is allowing me to share Jesus with others in a way that not everyone can do.  He calls us all to spread the gospel. And he has called me to write.  And so it is . . .  Not right with God; now I write for God!

Matthew 28:19-20 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the, Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.  Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always even unto the end of the world. Amen.

And I Bow Down